Cafeteria, over and out

So weird. I was actually looking forward to ravioli and they had hamburgers, ran out of food, cooked up some for us "helpers", we got busy and they burned to a crisp. I'm sort of sad to go and the middle school was not too horribly bad. The elementary...eesh. I have decided that I better do something fun and take advantage of the small bit of alone time I have. It probably won't return.
We went to family therapy last night and the boys both blew up and fought in front of the therapist. That is actually a good thing. Then I don't have to say "now they do this and fight over this and refuse to do this", she can see it and go "whoa".
I hate messy rooms and a messy house. It makes me crazy. But I also hate the feuds that erupt when I say "clean your room". This is a conundrum.

Status report

A few thoughts on mommyville in our home:
I know I am an optimist when I feel God is calling me to homeschool to alleviate our discord. The fighting, the lack of respect, the frenzy, it's all too much. I have my daily prayers, things I pray for or about. I pray I overcome some of the hurdles that hinder my path to holiness and my human short-comings that drive others(and me) crazy. I see how hard my boys try to be normal and sometimes it wears me down. I know it does them. I hope in the next year I can love them on their level, where they are. I have felt the need to make them work in the world since I can change them easier than the world. Perhaps that was where the problem started. I often feel that we are "therapied out". It's no longer too much of a good thing, it's too much of a thing period. Are they getting the "you aren't good enough as just you so mommy is going to try and help change you"? I feel our time would be better spent on something to build their esteem and not "fix" their behavior. A sport, a hobby, a fun activity...even Mary would benefit.
I need to pray about all this therapy. They currently get art therapy, family therapy and will soon be getting Impact(though I'm not sure about this). It's overload. I need the therapy(haha). I need to slow this life down and pray that God allows me to be mommy first and foremost to these kids that need me(badly). I'm tired of the business thing. It's a struggle and something has to change with it, in general. I'm sure the homeschool environment will lend itself to me cutting back and better utilizing my time.

I have to admit I was inspired by Carrie Prejean speaking out to the press today. If you believe something and it comes from your heart, don't back down. It choked me up and had me internalizing things I feel. Conviction is a powerful thing.