Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Humor . Humans need this.

I love Emo. He makes me laugh. Here is a good one:

I was walking across a bridge one day and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. "Well, there is so much to live for." "Like what?" "Well, are you religious?" He said yes. I said 'Are you a Christian or a Jew?' He said 'Christian.' I said 'Me too! Protestant or Catholic?' He said 'Protestant.' I said 'Me too! What franchise?' He said 'Baptist.' I said 'Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?' He said 'Northern Baptist.' I said 'Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Reform Baptist?' He said 'Northern Conservative Baptist.' I said 'Me too! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist or Northern Conservative Reform Baptist?' He said 'Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist.' I said 'Me too! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Eastern Region?' He said 'Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region.' I said 'Me too! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912 or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region of 1850?' He said 'Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.' I said 'Die heretic!' And I pushed him off the bridge!
Emo Philips


I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright

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